If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize