i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
