32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
