i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
