please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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