While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
