You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
soo... how was my night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
