Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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