thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
