saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
