I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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