I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
