im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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