lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
