I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
