plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
