Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
