Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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