If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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