Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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