I just cut my nipple shaving
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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