I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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