Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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