happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize