I got chris browned last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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