$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You smell like stripper and shame
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
