i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
