Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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