woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
third nipple confirmed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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