If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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