So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
