saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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