Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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