I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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