you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
