if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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