Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
