We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
