I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Farmville is her only friend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
