BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
