We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
