bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
