First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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