Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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