Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
