The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
