He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
