Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
