worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
