I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
