You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want a musical about memes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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