There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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