Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
