I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
