Sry I called you an 8
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
