my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
