1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
