arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
