So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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