he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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