Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
