While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
