is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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