Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
high people should be assigned attendants
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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