Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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