yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
