I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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