I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
