yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
