These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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