Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
