Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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