apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
